Sunday, November 23, 2008

They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab And I Won't Go, Go - Wait, What?

In lieu of Katelyn's absolutely delirious 18th party, I've taken to residing on my couch, wrapped up in big, thick warm blankets and filing my face full of delicious hot toasted sandwiches.

Saturday night seen me teasing my hair to the shithouse, plastering on the eyeliner and fake eyelashes and slipping on a lot of black. I don't think people realise how hard fake eyelashes are to put on, until you actually have to deal with their shit. They're so difficult - its like trying to put a heavy-duty super-flow tampon in a tiny little Asian girl.
Went to the supermarket with Aunty Jan, bought some super cheap bourbon, a pack of 20s and a lot of coke (the drink, guys, jesus, settle down.) and made our way to katelyns.
After getting lost twice, trying to follow Katelyn's absolutely shocking directional advice, we finaly arrived at her lovely abode, I presented the bithrday girl with her carefully selected present:

A Candy Bra.

A bunch of us girls sat down to some wheel-of-drinking-fortune game, and I got strange looks for the first fifteen minutes for drinking straight from the bottle. Probably not the classiest move I've ever made, but in a house filled with people I didn't know, First impressions count - excluding the time you're dressed as Amy Winehouse.
Spotted someone lovely looking, fitting most of my selected criteria as my "Type" - scruffy, tall, big shoulders.
This concept was discussed briefly with Taylor a few hours before, although he found it hard to completely grasp what I was saying, which is the usual deal.
Ash Guy, Michelle, Stu and I floundered around on the back lawn for fifteen minutes, discussing and screaming, and for Mich and I - sinking - about how to set up my tent. It was windy and cold, and sleeping outside was just not an appealing idea at the time.

Was prodded for hours by Katelyn and Michelle, that I should "totally hook in" and other ego-building blabber with That Ash Guy.
It worked.
I found a lap was a nice change from freezing my arse off, and trying to find a little bit of warmth from the thin, piece of shit blanket I had brought along.

A bit of bourbon, a few stolen drinks from other people, and three large shots of Sambucca later, I watched as about 30 metrofags strolled on through the doors, and instantly seen things start to mudslide downhill in a giant shitstorm.
Within five minutes, all the boys testosterone levels rose from 0.4 to 400.
What seemed to be not long after, arguments and all sorts of things started to go on. I'll go for a fight, as long as Its not at my friend's place, especially on her birthday.
One guy tried to start some girl I'd never met (I think her name was Cass) and thats what initially set the boys off. We soon found out, that 2 Ipods had been stolen, along with Katelyn's phone and digital camera.
Everyone was completely wild, and That Ash Guy, Taylor and some other guys stinking of testosterone went on a goose chase down the street - me and Poika tried to join in for some fun, but got turned away quick fast by Katelyn's mum.
I was saddened.

A guy named Isaak was jumped by the same group of metrofags when he was walking a few girls home. He stumbled back to the party, after being shouted at when he tried to ask for help (given that it was roughly 2am, I'd probably help some bleeding teen on my front lawn, unlike Mega-Cunt that turned Isaak away) and man-power levels doubled again, topping 800.
I was a little shocked at That Ash Guy's total shit-flip and pretty much gave up at trying to calm him and his friend Jaime down.
They had cigars; they'd be fiiiiiinneee.

Britney's boyfriend, Daniel, was possibly the drunk highlight of the entire night. I gave Britney huge points for dealing with him in the loving way she did.
I probably wouldn't have done what she did.
I would have just left him somewhere and picked him up in the morning. But thats me. Slobbering, shitting, vomming drunk men have just never been my thing.
Daniel stood outside with us vommed his guts all over a treefern, and then had Matt and Jaime (both people I had met Saturday night) cart him off like the wounded soldier he was, into the toilet, where they preceeded to sit on the floor while Daniel munted into a bucket and shat at the same time.
I totally gave him kudos for that coordination.
Ten minutes after Daniel had been dragged from the toilet with his pants around his ankles, we found that he was too drunk to wipe his own arse, and had smeared shit across the toilet seat as he got up.
The next morning, there was at least 20 smaller vom spots down on the road, from Britney and Daniel's fantastic expedition home.

Drank some more, sobered up afterwards, deciding that 3.30am was probably a good time to drink some water and eat a sandwich.
Talked to this guy named Rory, claiming that he'd travelled the world.
I laughed.
And tried to understand how the kid actually got laid, like he's a good looking guy and all but fuuuck the guy talks so much shit. I swear. He dribbles shit more than what I do, and I've got a whole fucking blog dedicated to my shit-dribblings.

Shared a tent with Ash.
He worked well as a big, cushy source of warmth. The fantastic thing was, that he didn't snore.
I think that was a highlight - the last few times I've had to share bed, blankets, etc with guys, they've all been snorers.
He had a really funny heartbeat though, It was nuts, it certainly didn't sound normal, thats for sure. but you know. I can deal with that, compared to snoring.
I think we possibly got around 2 hours sleep, due to the tent almost blown across the yard by the gale force winds that we were subjected to.
Woke up aroud 7.30, went back to sleep.
was woken again by Jaime poking his head inside and serenading us with absolute gusto: I WANNA KISS YOU ALL OVERR. AND OVER AGAIN.

And that was basically my messy, dramatic weekend filled with theiving, sambucca, bourbon and boys.

fuck I love sambucca.

Happy 18th Birthday, Katelyn :D

i swear i'm no where near as messy as I look.