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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Viagra for the mind

So I blog to you, the reader, from my comfy bed via my latest piece of undamaged technology, also known as the iFail/iPhone.
I'm at a loss as to how it's survived more than a month with me as it is.

Recently, I blew a stack of cash on a camera that I'll probably take medicore photographs with, lose the filters to, and eventually casually break it into a million pieces one night. The following morning, I'll have no recollection, and blame it on whoever is in close radius of me. It'll be just my luck.

Thanks to said camera, of which cost so much, I still have another $200 to pay on it, I am destitute, broke, living in poverty and about to be the only under 21 person in the entire universe spending new years eve stone cold sober, thanks to dad declaring that he's no longer going to be a bludging alcoholic with minimal liver function - now, he's turning into a camp, orange juice addict. Today, i went with him do his shopping hoping to scab food. We entered supermarket sans shopping trolley. He got to carry his bread, and i had to carry fifteen litres of breakfast juice. Just my fucking luck, thank you, dad.

To add insult to injury, I've put on a kilo after shedding 5 and no longer can squeeze my bloated, sore tits into my favourite dress because birth control likes to fuck with my hormones, and juice litres of blood out of me for anywhere up to three weeks at two or three month intervals. All this - the inability to wear nice clothes, bloating body parts, temporary spasms of bipolar - so I don't have to take a ridiculous pill I know I'll forget, and end up eight and a half months up the duff, the size of an orca whale, dressed in a fucking floral MuMu, wondering why the fuck did I complain in the first place?

Anyone got a Valium?

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